Days like today are the most difficult. The weather was dreary and there was just a little bit of loneliness in the air. Typically Jen and I would have liked a quiet, gray Sunday. It's the type of day meant for relaxing at home, the four of us wearing our PJ's all day long, and maybe snuggling up on the couch and watching a movie. Instead, the girls spent the majority of the day at Jan's while I grocery shopped, did laundry (something I didn't do for five years!), planned babysitters, cleaned out cabinets, took Peighton to "urgent care" at the doctor's office...and so on. Even the trip to the grocery store was a little emotional. I can only recall a handful of times that I did the weekly shopping alone. Down one aisle something as ridiculous as a box of Tuna Helper (an old favorite of ours) choked me up, while down another aisle I laughed because I found myself bargain shopping in the canned foods (something I never did prior to meeting Jen). We'll get back to those lazy Sundays eventually and I'm sure trips to the grocery store will also get a little easier.
One thing that I reflected on today was how quickly we slide into our "positions" as husband and wife. I'm sure the distribution of duties varies widely from one couple to the next, but the process is very natural. With the loss of a spouse you have to assume responsibility for both roles and quickly adapt. In doing so the past several weeks, I have discovered that I really did take things for granted. However, it's like the Anna Nalick song says "life's like an hourglass glued to the table." There's no way to go back in time and appreciate things a little more, so I'll just have to accept the lesson learned.