Sitting in an airplane looking down on some beautiful terrain (maybe the Grand Canyon), I’m wondering what it is that Jen and those that have gone before me see when they look down. Are they really looking down as I am from a plane or are they just looking through some sort of spiritual eye that looks beyond what we can physically see? Do I disappoint when I do something terribly stupid or do I make them proud when I do something honorable? My belief is that they don’t scrutinize our actions but enjoy the fruits of our good intentions. What about time? Do the long days become years as they yearn to be with us once again? I doubt it. My hope is that “earthly” time and “heavenly” time are very different. Rather than being long years away from joining Jen and other loved ones, they see us as only a heartbeat away. If it were only that way for us…
This grief thing has become all too familiar to me over the years, but with some practice, I can use it constructively. Of course, there are times when it sneaks up behind me and takes my breath away or squeezes a tear out of me, but most often it is a motivator. Like a good, upbeat song on a long run, grief can energize you. I have found a way to suppress it when I don’t want to deal with it, but I can also conjure it up when I need some strength or direction. It hurts at first but the result is inspiration. I can use that inspiration in many ways. Whether it is getting my out of shape rear-end through the homestretch of a workout or decision-making as we develop the Jennifer Ireland Foundation, my grief gives me purpose.
I read something in a book today that correlated with these deep thoughts. Although the book was fictional, the character brought up a good point as he pondered the death of a good friend: “Life goes on. That is a good thing, right?...The scars heal. But when you let that happen, your soul goes dead a little.” I’m not saying I agree or disagree, but it definitely sparked some discussion between me, myself and I as we descended into Kansas City this evening. Does overcoming sorrow harden you and make you less capable of emotion the next time around or does it simply make the next experience a little more understandable?
If you get a chance, tune your radio into Hot Talk 1510 AM (in KC) this Sunday morning at 10:30. Mairtin and I will be chatting with the hosts of Celtic Crossing, a weekly radio show heard on Sundays from 10:00 to 11:30 AM. We’ll discuss the movie The Wind That Shakes the Barley, the Jennifer Ireland Foundation, and the movie event on May 10th that will benefit the foundation. Mairtin is quite entertaining…I guess I’ll be his side-kick!
Have a great weekend everyone. That's an order.