The time has come to say...

...a final Thank You.

I have written the majority of the almost 300 posts on this blog and could easily write 300 more on the experiences following Jen's passing. However, I have chosen to quietly end the blog known as "Jen's blog." I feel that it has served its purpose - actually it has served many purposes. Beginning as a method of communicating to friends and family, it developed into a tool of encouragement for Jen and our family during her cancer experience. In addition, it served as a resource for cancer patients and a source of inspiration for thousands upon thousands of compassionate people. What this blog also became was a window into our lives. Unfortunately it is time for me to shut that window as my family moves forward.

I won't sign off without a brief update on how we are doing. As you can see from the pictures, the girls are growing up fast. They have definitely developed into two totally different personalities. Emma is a very bright and calculated individual. She quietly soaks in everything around her and often surprises me with her observations and sharp memory. She thirsts for attention and is as determined as any young child I have ever seen. She has been enjoying gymnastics, cooking classes with Nana, "play dates" with various friends, and just simple time at home playing with her sister. She is definitely excelling at her gymnastic abilities and is quickly (almost too quickly) becoming a fashion-conscience girly girl. Peighton is best described by a word used by our new babysitter - precocious. She is growing up very fast. She seems so advanced at 2 1/2 years old but at the same time so laid back. She goes to bed and wakes up with a smile on her face, and is most content doing whatever it is her big sister is doing. With her big blue eyes and adorable face she turns a lot of heads. I just wish they both could stay as innocent and oblivious as they are now, forever.

As for me, I am doing well too. I quickly came to terms with Jen's death and continue to use the fact that she is with our Heavenly Father as my source of peace. My struggles have been related more to the almost overwhelming reality of being a single father and the scrutiny that I am subject to as an individual. I am surrounded by the most helpful people I could ever wish for, but that doesn't change the fact that I now have the role of a mother and a father. It is an inexplicable responsibility that I am slowly coming to terms with. Everyday I obsess over decisions related to how I speak to the girls, how I discipline them, who I expose them to, etc. I can't just take things with a day to day attitude, I have to consider what they've been through and where we're going as a family. The scrutiny I mentioned gets to me only because I am a people pleaser and want nothing more than everyone to think nothing but the best of me. I have finally realized a new respect for my father and the difficulties I can now see that he had following the loss of my mother. People are naturally quick to rush to judgement and we are all guilty at times. I have felt the brunt of it as it relates to how I handle my children, who I am with in public, how visible my grief is or isn't, on down to the simplest of actions in my everyday life. Time will bring the old comfort of living a humble, private life. I have also been dating someone that I truly believe God put in front of me at a time that I would call my "emotional rock bottom." The furthest from either of our minds was a relationship when we coincidentally ran into each other. I can't thank her enough for picking me up and helping me take my first steps forward. I don't wonder if happiness will someday come anymore because I have actually begun to feel it again.

As Jen's battle with cancer came to an end, I had a strong desire to not only keep her name and spirit alive but to also help young families that may have to endure the awful circumstances that come with a cancer diagnosis. With the help of supporters and a dedicated board of directors, the Jennifer Ireland Foundation is a reality. Beginning with our friend Shawndra Turner, the foundation continues to provide grants to families such as mine that are living with cancer. The grant applications are rolling in from all over the country - and even overseas. Please redirect your attention to the foundation website at www.jenniferirelandfoundation.com. There you will find an ever-improving and informative website that will hopefully become a major destination for the cancer community, patients and supporters alike. In the very near future you will see a blog maintained by Jen's oncologist who will open a window into the life of someone who experiences cancer through hundreds of individuals everyday. The foundation site will also have a "blog center" where patients can create their own blogs to document their experiences and feel the therapeutic effect of sharing their stories and feelings. I even intend on dedicating a small portion of the site to updates on my two beauties - Emma and Peighton. Please make the foundation site as important as your morning cup of coffee.

I've said it many times since January of 2006, thank you so much for what you did for Jen, what you have done for me, and what you continue to do for those out there valiantly fighting this despicable disease. May Jen's strength and courage continue to inspire and may God bless you.

Comments

[Marcie Mason]

Jan,
Just letting you know I saw your precious girls getting their nails polished the other day. They seem to be doing wonderful. I am guessing Emma is in Kindergarten and P is in preschool now. I hope they are loving it. Please give us an update on how they are doing. These little girls are precious to everyone. Thoughts and prayers are still with your entire families.

Marcie Mason

[Tiffany]

Thinking of you during this holiday season. Your girls are simply adorable.

Tiffany in TX

[Tes]

It is hard to believe it has been two years since Jen passed away. Just wanted to let you know thinking of you and your family.

[Christina]

Just wanted you to know that we haven't forgotten Jen, her legacy, or your family on this 2nd anniversary of her death. I hope in the time since her death you have found some peace and healing.
God Bless,
Christina

[Crystal]

Jan

I posted on Shawndra's blog, but I am not sure that you will see it....I wanted to let you (and the Ireland Family too) know that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Jennifer - she literally saved my life. I hope that is a small comfort for you to know that there are still people who are very touched by your daughter and the way in which she lived her life. She will not be forgotten - not ever.

[Jan]

I'm so elated to read the blog entries today! THANK YOU so much to the people who commented and checked in on Jennifer's site. It's so comforting to know that Jen's life touched so many people and that she's still remembered. As I reflect back on the last two years, I still remain in awe of the strength and courage my daughter displayed. In the face of such adversity, Jen remained stoic and true. To me that is just amazing! As her mother, I'm extremely blessed to have had 27 wonderful years with her.
I've learned many things from my daughter, one of the most important being "NEVER take anything for granted" and secondly, "Life's too short, so eat dessert first!" Hah!
Also, the Jennifer Ireland Foundation is doing well. Check on our website to see the dates of the next Crawl for Cancer in St. Louis and our 3rd annual golf tournament coming in June. We've helped about 12 families so far in less than 2 years. Jen would be honored to know her short life here on earth caused people, known and unknown, to contribute to a Foundation that helps other families in situations as dire as hers.
God's blessings to you all.
Most sincerely,
Jan
p.s. Dear Emma and Peighton,
When you read this blog someday you will be so proud of your mommy! We will have to show you a globe so you can see where thousands of people all around this world prayed for your mom and for both of you. You didn't know it, but you were celebrities! Even though your mommy no longer resides here on this earth, she will ALWAYS remain in your hearts. I love you both very much, more than words can say.
Love, hugs and kisses,
Nana

[Carolina]

You're right, Jan!
I'm a Brazilian mom and got here when Jen was not here on this earth anymore, but since day one I think of her and of you (Jan, Chris, the girls) and I do not take a second of my life, of my time with my family, with my wonderful son for granted.
You are all in my prayers... always and always.
All the best!

Carolina

[Kasey]

Happy 30th Birthday to Jen! You are in my thoughts and prayers each day!

[Crystal]

Happy Birthday Jen! I know you are celebrating in your glorious new place in Heaven! Jan and family, have special day to remember and keep Jen close and alive in your hearts.

Crystal

[Amy]

Hi everyone,

Please check out this video. The more views it gets, the more awareness and hopefully donations it will bring in for the fight against cancer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxXxVftGCRI

Thank you!

[Rylina Danley]

I dont know if the family still reads this but I just thought I would let you know I still have my magnet on my car and say a prayer for each and everyone of you everytime I walk to my car. My God bless you all.

[Jan Velander]

Dear Rylina,
Thank you for writing and for still checking in on my daughter's blog site. Obviously I still read it. I too have my car magnet proudly displayed on my car and never take off my Jennifer Ireland bracelet. Thank God I have my many memories of my precious daughter. I appreciate that we are all still in your prayers. I will continue to pray for blessings to all our readers.
Peace be with you!
Most sincerely,
Jan

[christine]

Hello Jan & Family,

I too check in at times, however I keep you in prayers daily. Continue to love, live, and grow with each other in His eyes. Whatever life brings, know that Jennifer is watching and smiling! Peighton and Emma...your mommy loved you more than anyone in this world and no one can ever take that away from you! She will always be a part of you know matter who enters your life.