Jennifer Ireland

"Film Clips"...

I had the pleasure of meeting a rising star yesterday named Mairtin de Cogain.  He is an actor, musician, and much more.  This young man calls Ireland home, but Kansas City seems to be his home away from home and the Irish community here has adopted him as their son.  Mairtin has recently learned of Jen's battle with cancer and feels compelled to help however he can.  A recent project of his was a role in the film "The Wind that Shakes the Barley."  This film has already developed some international accolades and it has yet to be released in the U.S.  Not only is it the highest grossing movie to come out of the small country of Ireland, but it also won Best Film at the 2006 Cannes film festival in Cannes, France.  Currently, Mairtin is sporting long hair and very full beard.  Prior to the movie's premier in March, he had planned to shed the locks and beard for a charitable cause.  That charitable cause is now our family.  What an honor!

Below is a link to the KC Irish Fest blog which will continue to have updated information regarding Mairtin's fund raising event -- "Film Clips."  I should also mention that those long locks will also be donated to Locks of Love...a wonderful charity that provides prosthetic hair for children undergoing treatment for cancer.

*** Link to KC Irish Fest blog and info on Mairtin de Cogain's "Film Clips" in honor of Jen Ireland ***

Slipping away...

Today Jen has slowly slipped into what seems a deep, deep sleep.  As the day progressed she became more and more unresponsive.  Early this morning she woke Jan by attempting to get out of bed, tonight we are lucky to get a slight nod of her head or squeeze of the hand.  The slightest acknowledgment of our voices now gives us the greatest joy.  Late this afternoon I was able to get a pucker out of her lips and a quick kiss.  Emma visited this evening and spent some precious time in bed with her mom.  Ever so slightly, Jen was able to show that she knew Emma was there.  Our emotions are torn between heartache and relief.  Heartache because we may have shared our last interactive moments with her.  Relief because she no longer seems to have pain or discomfort.  Slipping away may not seem an appropriate description for it, but at times that is certainly what it feels like.

We will continue to do everything we can to ensure she knows we are at her side and love her.  I keep reminding myself that she never ceases to amaze me and I may roll over in the morning to her smiling and wondering aloud who the guests are on Regis and Kelly. 

There was one bit of good news today.  Some of you may remember me speaking of last year's visit with Dr. Henry Lynch at Creighton University.  He is the founder of the gene mutations that cause hereditary colon cancers.  A lab has been doing some genetic testing on Jen's blood and Dr. Lynch's nurse said that two of the three tests are complete and there is no evidence of a mutation thus far.  This is potentially great news for Jen's brothers and our children.  The final results should be in my hands sometime in February.

Here is a picture I came across today on my computer.  It took me back to a time when cancer was the furthest thing from our minds.  I know the message is strong without me even saying...but I'll do it anyway...Live and love like there is no tomorrow.

Record day for blog traffic...

I'm sitting here late this evening with my good friend Chris Hoffman.  Just out of curiosity we checked the "traffic" statistics for the blog today.  The past 24 hours have resulted in almost 13.000 hits.  That is absolutely unbelievable.

First thing this morning Dr. Pluenneke arrived to visit with Jen.  This is his week for rounds with the KC Cancer Center patients here at the hospital.  His observations were that Jen's condition hasn't worsened significantly since early last week.  Her young heart and lungs are putting up quite a battle.  He suggests that Jen could feasibly be with us for several more weeks.  He also suggested that Jen's parents and I start to pace ourselves before we become "walking zombies".  Jan and I seem to be coming down with some sort of respiratory illness and he wants us to take care of ourselves.  We will definitely consider his advice and try to get out of the hospital a little more frequently over the course of the next few days.  At the same time, we want to maximize our time spent with Jen even if the majority of that time we are watching her sleep.

Today was a little rougher for Jen than the past three days.  The pain medications and rising bilirubin level in her body create confusion, anxiety, and hallucinations.  For some reason, today the anti-anxiety medicines weren't quite as effective.  Dr. Pluenneke and his pharmacist Monika tweaked her medications in an effort to maintain some consistency in her comfort level.  As of now she is constantly receiving a slow drip of Ativan and a steady dose of fentanyl from a PCA (patient controlled analgesia) pump.  This pump also allows her to push a button for an additional boost of pain medicine when necessary.  She is receiving saline via IV to sustain a minimal fluid level in her body.  She also receives some "as needed" medications: Actigal (to aid in biliary flow), Toradol along with Benadryl (for inflammation), a steroid, Haldol (to eliminate hallucinations), Lexapro (antidepressant to aid in her comfort), colace to help her bowels, and some additional medications to treat a bladder infection and eliminate a constant urge to urinate.  Most of her medications are delivered through her Port-a-Cath which was surgically inserted shortly after her diagnosis.  She is receiving four liters of oxygen at all times and has a urinary catheter in.  One of the most disturbing things a visitor might see is the bag this catheter drains into.  Her urine is no longer what we would typically expect to see, rather it is the color of blood.  This is the result of some blood in her urine, discoloration due to medications, and poor processing due to a damaged liver and kidneys.  Although she is hooked up to all this equipment and her body is badly bloated due to swelling and fluid retention, nobody who enters her room can miss how beautiful she still looks.  Even the janitorial lady smiles at her everyday as she cleans up the room and comments how young and beautiful Jen is.

Thank you...

Thank you for the prayers tonight and in the future.  Jen has rested comfortably for the past three days now.  We are all tucked in up here at North Kansas City Hospital hoping for another peaceful night.

2 weeks at NKC Hospital...

It has been two weeks since Jen was admitted here at NKC Hospital.  What we had hoped would be a short visit of 2 or 3 days, has now become an indefinite stay.  The place is now our home and they have allowed us to feel at home.  We are now certain that we will not attempt to take Jen home.  She feels comfortable and safe here, as does the immediate family.

She actually slept through the entire night last night for the first time since we arrived 14 days ago.  That rest continued on into the afternoon.  Jan and I actually got a little worried that we would not be able to wake her up.  As usual, she amazed us by waking up and eating some home made cookies and brownies made by her good friends Amy and Christol.  Tonight we are having a little trouble getting her back to sleep.  She is nauseated and experiencing some hallucinations.  However, her night nurse Connie is right on top of things and Jen should be snoozing soon.  I'm a little tired tonight, so I'll save a description of all of her medications and equipment hooked up to her for tomorrow.  I just think that some would find it interesting how much effort it takes to help make her comfortable.  The amounts of medications really reflect the difficult time that her body is having.

I also wanted to remind everyone about the Sunday night prayer circle for Jen in Blue Springs.  My post from yesterday has the details.  We received a lot of e-mails and comments today from people assuring us that they will be praying very diligently for Jen at 7:15 tomorrow night in Blue Springs and around the world.  We all pray many, many times throughout the day but just the thought of a joint effort among thousands is hard to imagine.  I won't be surprised if the Earth stops spinning for a brief moment.  In that moment, I want Jen to feel forever content that she will be leaving the world a better place and that we all love her.

This is the actual cross sitting at Jen's bedside right now.  It was a gift last week from Father Mike, who has stopped in several times to pray and offer words of encouragement to Jen and the family.  As you can see, Christ is extending a dove of peace downward to Jen as she lies in bed.  As most know, the dove is a symbol of the Holy Spirit.  This cross has become an important fixture here in room 527.

By the way, as I wrap this post up, Jen is sleeping soundly.

Good spirits...

After a morning of rest and recovery from a somewhat restless night, Jen spent a good part of the afternoon alert and social.  A paracentesis procedure may have helped make her a little more comfortable.  Some of the highlights included freshening up and switching outfits with her mom, a telephone conversation with Emma, and me getting to join her in her bed to watch Wheel of Fortune.  At one point in the afternoon, we got word that Jen's story was talked about on a local radio station.  The DJ on one of Kansas City's popular country stations read a brief e-mail from a listener and dedicated Martina McBride's "Do it Anyway" to Jen.  Her far reaching influence becomes more amazing each day.

Today I was also asked to post information about an event being organized in Jen's behalf.  There will be a prayer circle at the First Baptist Church of Blue Springs on Sunday night at 7:15.  The church is at 15th Street and Main.  Everyone is asked to bundle up and bring a candle.  The church's congregation and pastor have been wonderful and supportive as word has spread about Jen's condition.  Our Emma also attends pre-school there and loves going to bed knowing that in the morning she'll be in Mrs. Cornick's class with her friends.  I have a suspicion that Sunday night's event won't be a small gathering!  I have not told Jen about it yet, but I know that when I do, she will be moved, honored, and thankful.

Lots of good rest...

Following up one good day with another was what we all want for Jen and today it happened.  Whereas yesterday was a good day because she was able to clean up and see various family members and friends, today was a good day because she was able to get a lot of good rest.  She deserved the rest today, especially after some late night bladder issues which resulted in the insertion of a urinary catheter.  While Jen snoozed and sometimes snored under the watchful eye of Ginelle Ries, Jan, Dennis, Tina, and I all got out of the hospital for a little while.  I headed home and spent some time with Peighton before I surprised Emma by picking her up from school.  Emma and I headed out to the mall where we ate lunch at the food court, rode the giant merry-go-round, and shopped at the Disney Store.  Back at the hospital this evening Jen made everyone's day.  While sitting on the edge of the bed eating a little jello and ice cream, Jen and I schemed up a surprise for those sitting in the family room across the hall.  With the help of her nurse Laura (whom we love!) we loaded up Jen in a wheel chair and rolled across the hall and into the room.  The last thing Jan, Jordan, and a few others expected was to see Jen roll in for a visit.  Jordan -- 23 today -- called it the best birthday present ever.

I also want to briefly talk about miracles.  I'm a firm believer in God's ability to create them at his will, and I do think that he has not sold us short in Jen's case.  I keep remembering back to December 23rd, 2005 when we were delivered the news that Jen had cancer in her abdomen.  Although I cannot imagine how it felt for Jen, I do know that at that moment I felt my heart stop and my mind spin to the point I thought I would faint.  After further testing, the prognosis would have seemed close to hopeless.  Stage IV cancer in the abdomen...a tumor that had grown so large that it literally exploded and seeded itself on every abdominal surface...nodules of disease anchored into one of the most vital organs in the body, the liver...and no local doctor able to speak confidently about their ability to operate.  One year later, we were celebrating another Christmas with Jen.  That, to me, is a miracle.  Many people die suddenly and loved ones anguish for not having the opportunity to say their final I'm Sorry's and I Love You's.  We have every hour of every day until her final breath to tell her how much we love her.  That, to me, is also a miracle.

Many have posted comments with inspiring scripture, poems, or quotes.  Tonight I'll post a song.  It's one of a handful of songs that my brother, my dad, and I found special meaning in following my mom's death.  It also has a little to do with the fact that she was a big Garth Brooks fan...

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

A really good day for Jen...

Days like today make it hard to believe that Jen won't be getting better, packing up, and heading home to get on with life.  Her terrific nurse gave her a sponge bath.  She was freshened up, smelling like Bath and Body Works, and wearing new, sassy leopard print PJ's.  Her pain was not a major issue today.  She only seemed bothered following longer periods of sleep when she would get a little behind on medicines.  She was even surprised by a visit from family up from Cape Girardeau.  It was very nice for Jen to see their smiling, caring faces and for Jan to get some special time with her parents, brothers, and sister.

Several times over the past few days Jen has woken up and asked us why there are so many people standing in her room watching her.  I think it scares her that everyone else may know something that she doesn't.  We assure her that there is nothing being kept from her and many people just want to stop in and say hello.  A couple of times she has simply asked me to politely have everyone leave the room.  I'd like anyone thinking of visiting to consider this.  I won't discourage anyone from paying a visit, but please understand that there are times in the day where she would much rather rest alone.  Jan, Dennis, Tina, and I are here around the clock and we'd be happy to visit and then share those visits with Jen at the appropriate time.

Peaceful...

There was some finality to my post last night and I did not intend to write again until the moment Jen's body gives into the cancer.  But in this most difficult time of her battle, I realized that we need to read and feel your supportive comments just as you need to know how she is doing.  We hang on your every comment, just as many of you hang on our every post.  Compelled to comment or not, we are able to see the unbelievable number of people checking on Jen via the blog everyday.  That number is in the thousands and it is a reflection of the number of prayers spoken, tears shed, and lives touched. Who would have thought that such an impersonal means of communication would become one of the most personal and important parts of our lives?  Thank you for caring so much.

Jen is sleeping peacefully tonight and has been doing so for most of the day.  She wakes up throughout the day and carries on mini-conversations, tells the nurses what she needs, smiles and waves at visitors, and then drifts back to sleep.  Today Dr. Pluenneke stopped in to have a very important talk with her.  With Jan, Dennis, Tina, and I present, he let Jen know that there is no longer anything that can be done to treat her cancer.  They now want keep her as comfortable as possible because she will not be with us much longer.  He encouraged her not to be afraid and that, although he has no answers for why, he knows that God wants her back with him.  He was very compassionate and very comforting in what he said.  Of course Jen was very upset -- because now her greatest fear was being acknowledged as reality by her doctor.  He asked her if she still wanted to fight and her answer was yes.  For that reason, he said she will have days, maybe even weeks left with us.  She needs to allow the doctors and nurses to help her fight so that she may rest.  Following a prayer and a lot of tears, she composed herself and thanked Dr. Pluenneke for all that he has done.  Throughout the rest of the day she has been very comfortable and continues to be the sweetest patient I'm sure this hospital will ever see.

Still looking beautiful...

Jen will not be with us much longer.  God knows her influence will be more powerful from Heaven that it would be if she stayed with us on Earth.  She is peacefully sleeping tonight and still looking beautiful even with the ugliness of cancer within her body.  Our girls, Emma and Peighton, were able to come up this evening and tell their mommy how much they love her.  Jen was also able to smile and tell them the same.  Please pray that as the inevitable occurs and days, weeks, months, and years go by we are able to make sense of this for our girls and that they may always know how much their mother loved them.  Tonight the doctors and nurses have vowed, with our approval, to make sure Jen has what she needs and feels nothing but peace and comfort.