The time has come to say...

...a final Thank You.

I have written the majority of the almost 300 posts on this blog and could easily write 300 more on the experiences following Jen's passing. However, I have chosen to quietly end the blog known as "Jen's blog." I feel that it has served its purpose - actually it has served many purposes. Beginning as a method of communicating to friends and family, it developed into a tool of encouragement for Jen and our family during her cancer experience. In addition, it served as a resource for cancer patients and a source of inspiration for thousands upon thousands of compassionate people. What this blog also became was a window into our lives. Unfortunately it is time for me to shut that window as my family moves forward.

I won't sign off without a brief update on how we are doing. As you can see from the pictures, the girls are growing up fast. They have definitely developed into two totally different personalities. Emma is a very bright and calculated individual. She quietly soaks in everything around her and often surprises me with her observations and sharp memory. She thirsts for attention and is as determined as any young child I have ever seen. She has been enjoying gymnastics, cooking classes with Nana, "play dates" with various friends, and just simple time at home playing with her sister. She is definitely excelling at her gymnastic abilities and is quickly (almost too quickly) becoming a fashion-conscience girly girl. Peighton is best described by a word used by our new babysitter - precocious. She is growing up very fast. She seems so advanced at 2 1/2 years old but at the same time so laid back. She goes to bed and wakes up with a smile on her face, and is most content doing whatever it is her big sister is doing. With her big blue eyes and adorable face she turns a lot of heads. I just wish they both could stay as innocent and oblivious as they are now, forever.

As for me, I am doing well too. I quickly came to terms with Jen's death and continue to use the fact that she is with our Heavenly Father as my source of peace. My struggles have been related more to the almost overwhelming reality of being a single father and the scrutiny that I am subject to as an individual. I am surrounded by the most helpful people I could ever wish for, but that doesn't change the fact that I now have the role of a mother and a father. It is an inexplicable responsibility that I am slowly coming to terms with. Everyday I obsess over decisions related to how I speak to the girls, how I discipline them, who I expose them to, etc. I can't just take things with a day to day attitude, I have to consider what they've been through and where we're going as a family. The scrutiny I mentioned gets to me only because I am a people pleaser and want nothing more than everyone to think nothing but the best of me. I have finally realized a new respect for my father and the difficulties I can now see that he had following the loss of my mother. People are naturally quick to rush to judgement and we are all guilty at times. I have felt the brunt of it as it relates to how I handle my children, who I am with in public, how visible my grief is or isn't, on down to the simplest of actions in my everyday life. Time will bring the old comfort of living a humble, private life. I have also been dating someone that I truly believe God put in front of me at a time that I would call my "emotional rock bottom." The furthest from either of our minds was a relationship when we coincidentally ran into each other. I can't thank her enough for picking me up and helping me take my first steps forward. I don't wonder if happiness will someday come anymore because I have actually begun to feel it again.

As Jen's battle with cancer came to an end, I had a strong desire to not only keep her name and spirit alive but to also help young families that may have to endure the awful circumstances that come with a cancer diagnosis. With the help of supporters and a dedicated board of directors, the Jennifer Ireland Foundation is a reality. Beginning with our friend Shawndra Turner, the foundation continues to provide grants to families such as mine that are living with cancer. The grant applications are rolling in from all over the country - and even overseas. Please redirect your attention to the foundation website at www.jenniferirelandfoundation.com. There you will find an ever-improving and informative website that will hopefully become a major destination for the cancer community, patients and supporters alike. In the very near future you will see a blog maintained by Jen's oncologist who will open a window into the life of someone who experiences cancer through hundreds of individuals everyday. The foundation site will also have a "blog center" where patients can create their own blogs to document their experiences and feel the therapeutic effect of sharing their stories and feelings. I even intend on dedicating a small portion of the site to updates on my two beauties - Emma and Peighton. Please make the foundation site as important as your morning cup of coffee.

I've said it many times since January of 2006, thank you so much for what you did for Jen, what you have done for me, and what you continue to do for those out there valiantly fighting this despicable disease. May Jen's strength and courage continue to inspire and may God bless you.

Comments

[Jennifer Teegarden MD]

Chris,

You, your girls and Jen's family have and always will continue to remain in my thoughts & prayers. Your family and Jen have inspired me and I will never forget her story. It is truly remarkable how many lives you have touched. I wish the best for you & your girls. May God continue to bless you and guide you.

Jennifer

[Sarah Hunter]

Thank you Chris for sharing your family with us. Your family has been and always will be very inspirational to me. I will always remember, pray for, and think of you and your girls! They are the most precious little girls I have ever seen. They have grown too fast. Jan~ I will always remember you and your remarkable courage through all of this! You are an amazing woman. Thinking of you guys always!

[Erin Asmus]

Chris,

Jen's memory will never be forgotten. She touched many of us in a very special way. Just want you to know that you, the girls and the rest of your family are thought of very often by the nurses at NKCH (fifth floor). We keep up with the foundation on a regular basis. Don't forget us with upcoming events to sponsor the foundation. You have truely touched our lives in a way I can't put into words. I wish you and your family nothing but hapiness always. I am sad to hear you say goodbye, but you have to do what is best for you and the girls. Jan I think of you often as well. May God give you peace and hapiness always. You all have been a true inspiration.
Much love,
Erin Asmus RN

[amy taul (keith)]

Chris, what you and your family has done is an amazing feat. Daily blogging, keeping everyone informed and up to date, and with pictures! I think it is wonderful that we have this page to look at and to remember the good times, as well as the not so hot times. If I have learned anything this year, I have learned that nothing is more important than cherishing the days you had, not punching yourself for the days not given. Have a Merry Christmas, and I think of you guys daily!
love- amy keith... taul.... whatever

[Angie]

Chris,
I came across Jen's story via a schoolmate of hers. I have often come to this blog for updates, lurking in the shadows, never posting a comment, until now. As you say goodbye to all of us, I want to let you know how much Jen's story opened my eyes to the pain of losing someone so young. I myself have never experienced a loss so great but I admire your strength. Good luck as you move forward with your lives. I wish you nothing but the best for your family.

[Becky]

Beautifully put Chris. And thank you for the update and I wish nothing but the best for you and your family. It is wonderful to hear that you are doing so well! Thank you for sharing your story with everyone and just know that the Foundation website will continue to be a great source for information and teaching. Jennifer Ireland will never be forgotten...she taught so much to the world. Take care, enjoy every moment! God Bless!

[Alicia]

God Bless you and your family at this time and always. It looks as though you are doing a great job with two beautiful girls!!!! I am so glad that you have once again found happiness and hope the best of life continues for you and your family.

[Dinah Wonderly]

Chris, Thank you for all you have done for us. And I do mean that. I am forever changed by reading all your love and your dedication to Jen and your wonderful girls. God Bless you as you start another journey, may his peace be always with you and your girls. They are indeed growing up and are really beautiful. May the rest of your life be blessed and your family heal well. Bless Jan also, and once again thank you for all you shared with us. Dinah

[Tam]

Will the blogs of current cancer patients which are located on your blog still be available? I continue to read and follow a lot of individuals there.

[Tam]

I found the blog network. May God bless you and your family as you continue to move on in your lives.

[Nicole From KY]

I have been a faithful reader of the blog and I have smiled, laughed and cried through the journey. I am thankful that you and the family are doing well and beginning to move forward. Know that many people are praying for you all and cheering you on!! It truly has been an inspiring journey....thanks for taking us along!!

[sue]

Thx Chris for updating. I have been worried about you. Please if I can add anything to my web page or blog to help you let me know. Happy Holiday's to you and yours. Sue

Web page: 
http://www.suewillhelp.com
My Blog:
http://sue123.blogforacure.com/weblog

[Jean]

Merry Christmas to the Ireland/Velander families. God bless you as you move on in your lives.

[Shawndra]

Chris- So well done! You just have a way with words, thank you for sharing Jen's story. If it weren't for her and her blog, I wouldn't have started mine and have received so much support. I thank you for that. I am also so grateful to be the first recipient from the foundation and would be happy to do anything I can to help it prosper. I wish you and the girls the best life. I know Jen is watching over you all! Again, thank you for touching so many peoples lives. God bless you! Shawndra

[dobermandogmom1]

I have always been a mindful person and felt that I lived my life as such but after reading your blog I was so very moved. Reading your and Jenn's words truly changed my life. It just reminded me how precious life is and to step it up a notch in all areas...no regrets ever. I am a true believer that whatever happens to us is the absolute best thing for us...even though it may not seem that way at time. Each experience has a purpose, a lesson, etc... There will always be people out there who judge you. It is so very each to pass judgement when you haven't walked in those shoes. In my life, sure enough, if I judged the same darn thing would happen to ME somewhere down the road. So instead of judging and caring about being judged, I choose to be true to myself and my family. We do what is right for us. What works for us. What brings joy, happiness, peace, and harmony to our home and life. Stay true to yourself and love your girls and your new relationship with all that you can muster and use this experience as a stepping stone in your path of life. Although we have never met I am quite sure you are doing a fantastic job with your girls and your life. One who has the capacity to love deeply once can easily open their heart to love again. You deserve happiness and so do your children. And thank you for a beautiful, inspiring story.

[Kari Moroz]

Thank you for sharing the last year and a half with us. I feel like I know you through this website and through your encouraging emails. I think it's absolutely wonderful that you're choosing to have some privacy from now on with your girls. This is definitely a part of the healing. Please know that we are supporting you prayerfully and emotionally every step of the way. I still think of Jen often as I go through my daily life, something will make me realize that it's good to be alive and I will instantly, still, think of Jen. One day I can't wait to meet her, she is still an inspiration in my life and will probably always continue to be. You also are an inspiration and I'm grateful for the chance to "meet" you and your precious family. Please enjoy this new chapter in your life--what a wonderful testimony of God's goodness! Sounds like you're doing so well and that brings so much joy to my heart! OH--PS--I've been a survivor now for 5 months!

[Dawn]

Dear Chris and the girls

Chris, what you and Jen have started is incredible. You have raised awareness of cancer and given us all a deep insight in to your battle. The over riding messages in all of your postings were faith, love and hope. In your beautiful daughters, Jen lives on. There comes a time in everyone's life when, no matter what we have been through, we have to move on. Those that judge can never have been in that situation before and the fact that you have found happiness again with someone special is wonderful. I hope that the foundation will move from strength to strength and although everyone who has been following Jen and your story will miss this blog, I am sure that we all recognised that a time of closure would come and you have described the need to move on so perfectly. Take good care of you and yours - you have touched so many lives of people from around the world and your family have been a true inspiration. With much love always, Dawn (Cardiff, Wales) xx

[Karen]

Chris,

So well said...It makes me sad that people have judged you. For anyone that has watched you through the glass house that was the blog, it is impossible to miss your love and devotion to Jen and your girls. You deserve every bit of happiness that life has to offer, and I am so glad for you that you are in a place where you are ready to end the blog and move forward with your life. I am so thankful that you have someone special that is helping you take steps forward...and I am sure that Jen is proud of you and continues to understand you completely. All of God's blessings for you and your beautiful girls.

Karen in St. Louis (extended family of Jen's aunt Gail, uncle Frank and cousins)

[Kelly]

Chris,
Since last January when I first heard of Jen and your family I have been touched by your openness and strength. Sharing so much of your experience and honesty with so many strangers during such a difficult time seemed unimaginable to me, but you handled it so well and warmly. I thank you for taking the time and energy to do so- as I said then, Jens story has forever changed me.

I'm so glad to hear that you are finding joy in your life and that your precious girls are thriving. Thank you again, and my God bless you and your family.

[Kelli]

Chris, I am glad you updated. I was concerned because you had not posted. I understand why this is a good time to move on. You and Jen have touched my life in a way that will never be forgotten. You and the girls deserve happiness and I am so glad you are experiencing some happiness again. May God Bless you and keep you in your journey of life!

[Erin]

It's clear simply by looking at the pictures of your smiling girls that they are surrounded by loving people, you first and foremost as their father, that want only the best for them. While you don't owe anyone that has kept up w/ this blog an explanation, thank you for the update and thank you for giving us all a chance to send you off w/ our prayers and best wishes for your family's future. Enjoy any and all happiness that you find, you certainly deserve that.

[JEN MILLER]

WELL CHRIS,
I TOOK A GREAT DEAL OF TIME TO READ YOUR FINAL POST...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR GIRLS CHRIS AS U ALL VENTURE INTO A NEW AND REFRESHING LIFE....THE STEPS YOU WILL NOW TAKE ARE THOSE FOR THE FUTURE OF YOUR FAMILY....SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OPINIONS, AND PUT THOSE OF US THAT ARE WIDOWED IN A CATEGORY WHERE WE TRULY DON'T BELONG IN THIS SOCIETY...I CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU EVERYDAY THAT GOD WILL KEEP YOU STRONG AND ALLOW YOUR NEW PATH IN LIFE BE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY ONE....WITH DEAR CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIP, JEN MILLER, AN ANGEL IN KC, MO

[Sherri P eh]

God bless you and the girls Chris. I am so happy to read your final post and know that you are well. It may be easier for me to say than you to do, but live for yourself, your girls and your happiness. You are a fine human being, a wonderful father, and as demonstrated here in all of your posts, a caring and loving husband. Best of everything and continued happiness. Thank you for all you have shared.

[Jennifer]

I was directed to your blog in January of this year and have followed it all year. I've laughed, cried and hurt with you. You write so beautifully and your 2 girls are just precious. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find happiness with whatever life brings you.

[Lisa Mudge]

Chris-
God Bless you and your family! Best wishes to you all!

The Mudge's